I’ve talked before on here about being a referee for the many and varied arguments between my children, but to be honest, sometimes I just don’t have it in me to sort through their Battle of the Moment and pick sides. One particularly exhausting day I stumbled upon a surprisingly effective technique for excusing myself from referee duty: I rendered myself incompetent. The scene played out something like this:
T: “Mom, A took my truck and she won’t give it back.”
Me: “A, give T his truck back.”
A: “But he TOLD me I could have it!!”
Me: “T, you told A she could have it.”
T: “I did not!”
Me: “A, he did not.”
A: “He did TOO!”
Me: “You did too, T.”
T: “No I didn’t, I just let her paint it!”
Me: “He was just letting you paint it, A.”
A: “No, he said I could KEEP it!”
Me: “You said she could keep it.”
Finally they both glare at me as they realize I am completely useless.
Ah, it’s a beautiful thing. I simply wanted them to realize that there was pretty much no way for me to tell who was being truthful and who was right, so I just kept the argument going. They finally walked away and worked it out on their own. :-)
Showing posts with label Sibling Rivalry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sibling Rivalry. Show all posts
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Speak to the Angel
We all know that positive reinforcement is not only effective, but a much more pleasant form of discipline (for both parent and child) than punishment.
The book “Siblings Without Rivalry” shares a great technique that I like to call “Speak to the angel”. There is a popular saying that goes, “Inside every woman is a queen- speak to the queen, and the queen will answer.” For children, I would change the saying to this: Inside every child is an angel- speak to the angel, and the angel will answer. The idea is that if you treat someone as if they were already the way that you hope for them to be, then they will act that way.
So how do you apply this to children? Well, here’s an example of the normal way we might handle fighting kids:
A: MOM! B won’t give me the toy!
B: I had it first and she just tried to TAKE it from me!
M: Guys, calm down. Can’t you just share?
A: It’s MY turn! She’s had it for forEVER!
B: Nu-uh, I just GOT it!
M: Okay, B, you have 1 more minute to play. Then it’s A’s turn.
B: Only ONE MINUTE?!
A: UGGH! I want to play NOW!
(Can you tell I’ve heard this fight a time or two?)
Okay, now that we know that that’s not always the most effective way to do it, let’s try the “Speak to the Angel”:
The book “Siblings Without Rivalry” shares a great technique that I like to call “Speak to the angel”. There is a popular saying that goes, “Inside every woman is a queen- speak to the queen, and the queen will answer.” For children, I would change the saying to this: Inside every child is an angel- speak to the angel, and the angel will answer. The idea is that if you treat someone as if they were already the way that you hope for them to be, then they will act that way.
So how do you apply this to children? Well, here’s an example of the normal way we might handle fighting kids:
A: MOM! B won’t give me the toy!
B: I had it first and she just tried to TAKE it from me!
M: Guys, calm down. Can’t you just share?
A: It’s MY turn! She’s had it for forEVER!
B: Nu-uh, I just GOT it!
M: Okay, B, you have 1 more minute to play. Then it’s A’s turn.
B: Only ONE MINUTE?!
A: UGGH! I want to play NOW!
(Can you tell I’ve heard this fight a time or two?)
Okay, now that we know that that’s not always the most effective way to do it, let’s try the “Speak to the Angel”:
A: MOM! B won’t give me the toy!
B: I had it first and she just tried to TAKE it from me!
M: Well, A, B is very kind and she is REALLY good at sharing. And you are also very kind and REALLY good at asking for things nicely. I’ll bet that if you asked very nicely B would be happy to share with you.
A: B, may I please have a turn with the toy?
B: Yes, you may. Here you go!
It is so simple, and yet works so well- I have used this technique with a great amount of success and I highly recommend it! Just speak to the angel.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
The Blame Game: Taking Ownership
Me dressed as a referee for Halloween with 3 of my kids. That baby in my arms turned 3 this year!
“HE started it!”
“No, SHE did!”
“Did NOT!”
“Did TOO!"
Don’t you hate playing referee to your kids’ arguments?
I know I do, which is why I fell in love with this idea from Shawni over at 71 Toes (scroll down to the photo of the bench). She calls it the “fighting bench". Basically, when you start hearing the accusations fly, simply choose a spot in your home to be the “fighting bench" (ours is our fireplace hearth). Tell your feuding children they must sit in the designated spot and they must determine what their part of the disagreement was. They are not allowed to get up until they have told you what they did to cause the argument and apologize to the other person for their part in it.
We have used this successfully for a few months now, and not only are my children learning about taking ownership of their issues, they are also learning that when they have a disagreement, it’s better to just avoid getting mom involved, so as to avoid the “fighting bench". :-)
Looks like this referee may be ready to hang up her whistle...well, almost. ;-)
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