The book “Siblings Without Rivalry” shares a great technique that I like to call “Speak to the angel”. There is a popular saying that goes, “Inside every woman is a queen- speak to the queen, and the queen will answer.” For children, I would change the saying to this: Inside every child is an angel- speak to the angel, and the angel will answer. The idea is that if you treat someone as if they were already the way that you hope for them to be, then they will act that way.
So how do you apply this to children? Well, here’s an example of the normal way we might handle fighting kids:
A: MOM! B won’t give me the toy!
B: I had it first and she just tried to TAKE it from me!
M: Guys, calm down. Can’t you just share?
A: It’s MY turn! She’s had it for forEVER!
B: Nu-uh, I just GOT it!
M: Okay, B, you have 1 more minute to play. Then it’s A’s turn.
B: Only ONE MINUTE?!
A: UGGH! I want to play NOW!
(Can you tell I’ve heard this fight a time or two?)
Okay, now that we know that that’s not always the most effective way to do it, let’s try the “Speak to the Angel”:
A: MOM! B won’t give me the toy!
B: I had it first and she just tried to TAKE it from me!
M: Well, A, B is very kind and she is REALLY good at sharing. And you are also very kind and REALLY good at asking for things nicely. I’ll bet that if you asked very nicely B would be happy to share with you.
A: B, may I please have a turn with the toy?
B: Yes, you may. Here you go!
It is so simple, and yet works so well- I have used this technique with a great amount of success and I highly recommend it! Just speak to the angel.
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